Re: Chronicles and Myth [Warning R-18]

by Lord Arthur Kirkland Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:32 am

"Well well well, look who we have here? Now what are you two doing in a disreputable establishment such as this?

The man in the ornate hat smirked a bit at the newcomers. He was rather perplexed as to the reason why they sought him out, but he was sure these questions would be answered soon enough. Plus, he was in a rather good mood, after all, the first statement out of their mouths had not been commenting on his eyebrows. Some described them as large or fuzzy, but the captain always insisted that they were perfectly normal and that people were being ridiculous.

"Lord Arthur Kirkland, at your service. Though I suppose you could call me Captain, most people here seem to prefer it. Anarchists, the lot of 'em." He waved his hand as if shooing off pests before taking another swig of rum.

"So what is it you want from me? Judging from past occurrences, it's usually acts of piracy or some odd business with my lovely wife." The Privateer motioned to an odd looking young man sitting next to him, drinking a surprisingly un-alcoholic drink.

"If you touch or hurt him, I will kill you, so do be warned." The pirate added with a polite smile.

by **King of Spades** Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:46 am

The moment the captain turned to face the both of them Alfred gasped and forgot to exhale. That face, those eyebrows, the eyes..."Sweetheart he looks just like you!" Only in thug version but he never said it out loud. He suspiciously stared the captain up and down, not without a good portion of awe.

Then the man introduced himself as a Lord Arthur Kirkland and this is what Alfred thought at that moment: He was a noble, not just a criminal from the shady corner. His name was also Arthur. And his last name was also the same as his Arthur.

"Is he perhaps your lost twin brother or something like that?" He whispered towards the queen.

He then mentioned his wife and pointed towards a person next to him; and Alfred simply lost his breath altogether, forgetting the purpose of why he was here in the first place. "This world is crazy," he breathed out.

by **Queen of Spades** Thu Jul 28, 2011 8:42 am

Arthur leaned closer, also suspicious. "I don't think so, but the Kirkland name is old and long. It's possible we're related." Arthur was wary of it, though, and held Alfred's hand tighter.

Then the Lord motioned to his wife and Arthur had to stare. Except for the wings and horns, there was his husband right next to this other version of himself. Even his beautiful sky-blue eyes were there. "A-Alfred! There you are too!" Arthur whispered to his husband, shocked at the turn of events.

Regaining his composure Arthur straightened himself and looked Lord Kirkland in the eyes. "We were sent to you by the oracle. We need help with. . .a child."

by Lord Arthur Kirkland Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:00 am

Lord Kirkland snorted.

"I'm no babysitter, and I doubt anyone in this establishment is either. Don't you have servants for that?" He took another swig of rum before glancing over the two once more.

"Unless, the problem is something different... Perhaps an inability to make a child?" He smirked and poked at each of their stomachs. "An heir to the throne is needed, no? I do believe my wife and I can help. However, our services are not for free, and an heir to the throne is a very pricey thing indeed. Let's say, two hundred thousand gold pieces."

Arthur then broke out into a laugh. "Or if my price is too expensive for you, you could visit the whorehouse around the corner from here. It would be amusing to see the King and Queen visiting the brothel. Unless you are, ahem, lacking in virility."

The smirking pirate took another drink of his rum and awaited the response.

by **King of Spades** Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:31 am

Alfred had already guessed that a help in this matter, especially because it had to remain a secret, would be pricey even for him. First he had no idea how this ominous captain could ever help them but now where he had a good look at his so called 'wife', he slowly began to understand and it could work. Though...wasn't his wife a demon?

"You are rather insolent, aren't you? If only your face were not a spitting image of my husband, I would have hit your face first and then given you the money. But now, I think I will simply have to agree with your demand...asshole." It felt odd calling his husband's lookalike an asshole but at the same time it was also amusing; not that he would ever admit it.

"So...I can already guess how your husband could help us and I must say it's a brilliant solution," his eyes sparkled with glee as this was perfect. Too perfect to be true and he might keep that drunkard of an oracle after all.

He still needed to appoint an official mistress, if a bastard, then an official bastard.

by **Queen of Spades** Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:46 am

"Don't touch me!" Arthur scowled and swatted at Lord Kirkland's hand. "And I'll have you know that there is nothing wrong with my husband's. . .tools." He flushed at mentioning that, it was an embarrassing thing to say, especially for a Queen. "There is nothing wrong with Alfred wanting to stay faithful to me." Arthur's pride had been ruffled and he glared at the offending pirate.

"We'll. . pay." Of course they would. This couple could grant them a child, free of intercourse. This was all he ever wanted. "Th. .. " Arthur puffed up again. He was a Queen and would not thank someone lower than him. Especially because they were rude.

by Guest Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:47 pm

Throughout the entire exchange between the King and Queen of Spades and the Captain, the Demon had remained particularly silent, which wasn’t really a habit of his. Well, not unless he was eating, which was often enough to threaten to bankrupt his owner…

“You’re welcome,” he replied cheerily, turning around to stare at the Queen with sparkling blue eyes—ever curious about the fact that this human looked very much like his Captain.

Demon was oblivious enough that he did not note the similarities between the King and himself—after all, unlike the King, he didn’t wear glasses: that was enough of dissimilarity for him.

Regardless, he was aware that the Queen hadn’t finished her show of gratitude, and he understood why, but it didn’t mean he shouldn’t get a thank you. “You might as well thank me instead of him; I’m the one that’ll be doing all the work, anyway,” he chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck languidly. “Assuming that, well, you know, I actually decide to do it and all…”

With that, he returned to his drink, finishing the glass of lemonade in one more gulp before asking for another one. (And some sugar cubes, because if he had to go home and eat Captain Kirkland’s scones again, he would die… even as an immortal being, he was sure he would die.)

He knew he didn’t particularly have any choice in the matter: he had a contract with his human, one that dictated he obey in exchange for protection, food (well, more like coal,) a home, and… paternalistic concern on behalf of his owner. But just because he was tied to the contract didn’t mean Demon couldn’t get something out of the whole thing.

“I like conjuring babies. I’ll do it,” he replied, eyes shining with amusement. He had been able to practically feel the monarchs' hearts jump to their throats in fear. “It’s not easy! BUT, if you’re, uh, willing to live with the consequences, then, yeah, sure, I can get you both a baby. Just, since we're negotiating and all, if you’re going to give him 200,000 pieces of gold, well, I want something, too..."

He was sure his owner would be upset over his request, but - in his mind - it was only fair.

by **King of Spades** Fri Jul 29, 2011 5:45 am

"There, there honeybun, it's okay, you of all people know my awesome family jewels the best. Haters gonna hate - it's all jealousy anyway," he tried to appease his husband.

And then the demon-who-looked-just-like-him-but-not-as-handsome spoke up, which was a nice change after the unproductive exchanges with the captain; besides he wasn't sure if he wanted to see an Arthur duo having a bitch fight with each other, as appealing as it sounded. So the demon seemed cooperative but with his own ideas of compensation.

"Your name was...?" Alfred began, somehow having a bad feeling or a hunch of what might be the answer to his question. "And...what's your demand for your...services?"

Then after a moment he seemed to remember the most important thing. "There will be a contract of course," he said with a smirk. "I'm sure you're both familiar with contracts. Because a baby is not just a baby. It has to be a prince, obviously. If the first child happens to be a girl, then you will have to try again."

by **Queen of Spades** Fri Jul 29, 2011 6:56 pm

"My King is right. We can't just have any child, it must be a royal prince! And it must look like my King. We can't have his heritage questioned at all." At least, as little as it would be. He was going to have to be a bastard, he might as well be one who looks like his father.

And suddenly, Arthur's heart broke. Here they were, in a seedy bar talking to a drunk Captain and his demon wife, trying to get a baby. Because he couldn't provide one for his love. They could never have that together. "I'm sorry. . ." He whispered into his husband's neck, feeling very guilty now.

"We'll do what you wish, demon, if we can have what we need. . ."

by Guest Sat Jul 30, 2011 11:36 am

"Technically the name's Demon America, nemesis of the Britannia Angel, but I go by Demy," he shook the King's hand, turning around on his chair to get a better look at the King and Queen. Slowly, he smirked, sending them a quick wink, "no problem! Usually I'd say that it's hard to know for certain what a conjured child will look like, but in your case, and with my experience, I'm sure I can give you exactly what you want. For the right price. Take a seat..."

He motioned towards two empty bar stools next to him, and waited for the King and Queen to sit down before turning away from his owner - so called husband. "My story is sad, and long, so I won't go into details, but I'll just say that I was conjured by mistake by some Russian jerk, was kicked out by his psychotic sister, then somehow ended up contracting with," he pointed at the Captain with his thumb, "Cap'ain Kirkland, who's been nice and all, but I don't really want to be treated like a breeding factory my whole life, ya know? I like conjuring babies, but I also like my home. So, if you're okay with having a half-demon baby... and, I, uh, should warn you both that he might have some quirks, AND getting your oracle to undo the summon to send me home, we've got a deal."

With a smile, he extended out his hand. "If you accept, then we can go to a more private place, maybe my husband's ship..."

by **King of Spades** Sat Jul 30, 2011 12:46 pm

Alfred lightly brushed Arthur's hair with his fingers and smiled as an attempt to console him. "Don't say sorry, Artie. You know it's not your fault." Indeed it was sad that they even had to do this, asking strangers to produce an heir for them, this act had quite a heartless nature to it. Heartless towards every involved party. But it couldn't be helped.

The King then nodded towards said demon, the name America was once a nickname that his late mother had used on him. This world really was crazy.
"Well, I prefer Moany over Demy."

Squeezing Arthur's hand he straightened his posture, making it clear for everybody that he was in for the deal. "What are we going do on the ship? Are you already going to...? I still haven't chosen a mistress yet."

by **Queen of Spades** Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:50 am

"Exactly. This must be done in a timely manner to seem real. First my love must name a mistress, then we have to be convincing for the duration of a pregnancy." Arthur stood up straight, trying to be as presentable as possible.

The demon's request didn't seem that extraneous or unusual, so Arthur nodded his head. "We will talk to the Oracle. I cannot guarantee anything on her behalf, but we will definitely talk to her." He ran his hand along Alfred's arm, sighing in relief.

by Lord Arthur Kirkland Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:09 am

"Don't forget about my money."

The grumpy captain took extra care to remind the others of that part of the bargain. After all, what sort of privateer didn't have a taste for money? And if this deal meant he was going to lose his wife... Well he really wanted the money now, even if it wouldn't be much comfort.

The pirate turned to his demon-wife, and spoke, "I can't say I'm particularly happy about you returning home, but if you really want to... I can't stop you. If you ever return to the human world, or manage to stick around here, you can still stick with me."

Since the deal had been made, Lord Kirkland stood up. "Alright then, follow me to the Royal Fortune." The ship was the captain's pride and joy, and he was quite protective of it.

Being the impatient man that he was, Arthur immediately began to leave the bar, figuring that the others would just follow him. The ship was, unsurprisingly, in the harbor.

by Guest Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:42 am

“Why can’t he simply pretend that you have /always/ had a mistress?” the Demon, now known as Demy (or Moany to the King with the funny glasses,) asked the King with a tilt of his head. He would never understand humans and their concept of what was timely, or even why they had an innate desire to complicate things—if they were going to lie, then couldn’t they just lie all the way? He shrugged, “I mean, all you really have to do is find some girl—any girl would do, even that one over there,” and he pointed with a firm finger over at a busty barmaid handing drinks to some drunk card players. “If it’s going to be a bastard child, might as well be one you had before marriage than after it, right?—At least it’ll show you had some morals not to cheat while married.”

Did the Queen say /try/? Just try? Demy pouted, crossing his arms childishly, “contracts are not made like that. When I made a contract with Cap’ain Kirkland here, I didn’t say I’d /try/ to make all his wishes come true. I mean, sure, the Demon contract is based on anarchy and that means I can change it at any time, but I surely don’t work on a try basis. I’m not going to /try/ to get you a baby. I’m going to do it!” He beamed a smile, confident in his magical skills. “I expect the same. Your baby is contingent on it—it’s the only way I can conjure him: on an exchange basis. So, if you can’t deliver, well, we’ll have to come up with something else you’re willing to,” he paused, “give.”

Money. Of course his Captain was all about money. And then, he said something actually… sweet. The man that sometimes still kicked him out of bed and into the closet; the same one that wouldn’t let him play with his ship; the same one that sometimes…. Damn it, Demons were not supposed to be sentimental. He wasn’t going to be so fail. And yet—“you… actually care…” he blinked, surprised. “Aww! You can always conjure me back if you feel all lonely and stuff,” he glomped the grumpy captain, making sure to use his wings so as not to dump all his weight on him, even as the other began to move away towards the exit to reach the Royal Fortune. “That’s the Royal Fortune. That’s where Cap’ain Kirkland keeps all his unicorn plushies,” the Demon pointed, “let’s go write this contract down on paper there and settle the details.”

by **King of Spades** Thu Aug 04, 2011 11:41 am

Yeah right, cause it was that easy. Everybody knew that he was embarrassingly pure and very much a virgin before he'd even met Arthur. Nobody would ever believe him.
"I...can't you make the baby...can't you place it inside a woman's womb? I-I want it to have a mother," he said, looking down. He wanted the child to grow properly inside the safety of a woman. Alfred didn't want his son to be without mother, even though he would have to live with two fathers. He'd simply have to make sure that the prince's mother was taken care of.

"Arthur, please follow them to their ship. Take the guards with you. There's a girl I want to visit. The both of us will join you later," he kissed Arthur's cheek and left in a hurry.

He only had one single female friend.

by **Queen of Spades** Wed Aug 10, 2011 11:46 am

Arthur frowned and watched his King go before turning back to the others. "Yes. Well." Arthur cleared his throat and pulled his cloak tighter. Even though there were guards he felt much less safe as Alfred went out the door. "Let's go to your boat to draw up the contract." Arthur turned to leave, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

"My King does have a fair point, we will need to wait exactly nine months to have a baby. It will be far too suspicious if one has suddenly fallen in our laps. This must be as believable as possible."

by **King of Spades** Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:18 am

The whole villa seemed to be sleeping, only one room was candle lit and he knew it was her room. He gulped and knocked with the large and richly ornamented door knocker.

A sleepy maid opened the door and eyed the uninvited visitor with suspicion. She cleverly didn't open the door wide enough for him to enter. His face wasn't very well known yet, so there was a possibility that she didn't know who she was facing at the very moment. "Yes?"

"I'd like to speak to Lady Chocolate...now."

The maid wanted to retort, wanted to insist that he should come back another time but she was interrupted by a female voice behind her.

There was Lady Chocolate, a young woman with blonde, shoulder length hair that was playfully adorned with a pink bow. "Hello Alfred," she said. "It's been a long time."

"Actually," Alfred began, "I need your help."

by Guest Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:01 am

After the King left, the trio was quick to leave as well in search of the Royal Fortune, which, thankfully, wasn’t far from the far in the first place—not surprising, given that it was never safe for a Demon with wings and horns and a curling tail to just be walking out in plain sight.

The Queen followed behind the Privateer and the Demon, looking—at least to the Demon—frightened, if not at least put-off by the environment; rightly so considering that the Royal Fortune’s deck was full of burly and now drunken pirates cheering as their Captain returned.

“Come along Your Majesty,” the Demon took the Queen by the elbow, leading him away from a leering crowd of boisterous kitchen boys. He took the Queen into the main cabin—the Captain’s quarters, and closed the door only once the three of them were inside and the Queen’s men had been left to guard the door. “Sometimes, they get a bit rowdy, ya know? But you’ll be safe in here. They don’t mess with Kirkie’s room.” With that said, Demy pulled out a chair, extending a silent invitation for the Queen to sit, then sat down as well, grabbing a clean piece of parchment and fresh ink along the way.

From the corner of his eye, Demy could see his husband lurking nearby, watching carefully as the Demon scribbled their demands. “Not to worry,” the Demon mumbled, “the first demand is for your money.”

After a long time writing their clear demands, the Demon handed the parchment to the Queen so he could read his work:

1) For Captain Kirkland: 200,000 gold pieces, as clear payment for the liberation from bondage of the demon known as Demon America, in short form Demy.

2) The procurement of a meeting with the Palace Oracle and an intervention from Their Majesties on behalf of the Demon for attempts to enact a reverse conjuration that will allow said Demon to return home.

3) Should a meeting not be conceivable, the Demon will be able to further make another demand that may be freely chosen within the confinement of 5 years’ time. Based on the anarchical nature of a Demon’s contract, the King and Queen of Spades must accept the contract as is, assuming that while possibly difficult, any and all requests during this time must be met.

a. This request may only be broken should the procurement of the request call for the death of any of the members of the treaty.

In return, the King and Queen of Spades request:

1)

The Demon had left the spaced empty for the Queen to fill in.

“You can be as specific as you’d like.

See, conjured babies can be tailor-made, but come with some, uh, awkward stuff—horns, perhaps, or wings, or a tail, maybe magic. But the sex of the baby can be easily chosen, as can other physical characteristics, excluding the above, duh, but stuff such as eye color, hair color, skin tone, all that’s like a piece of cake for me,” the Demon smiled. And then he remembered—the most important thing.

“Uh, but I’m afraid that we’re gonna have a problem. As much as your husband wants me to insert this baby into a human, well, it just can’t be done. Demon babies are not born like normal human babies; not even half-breeds are. That’s kind of the beauty of a Demon baby… no inception time necessary, just, well, some of the parents’ blood for a conjuration. Full-pledge Demon babies are born from wails, see, but half-breeds—a little evolutionary technique that has thankfully come to exist since Demons do contract with humans often—are born differently. I would just take a pinch of blood from you, a pinch from the King here, and voila! A baby. Your baby. Just with some magical quirks—the purer the couple, the less demonic abilities present, so I think ya’ll should be 100% fine on whatever is conjured to look really human-like. Anyway, now would be the time to ask any questions you might have, Your Majesty, ‘cause once you sign the contract, there’s no turning back.”

by **Queen of Spades** Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:28 am

Arthur nodded, watching the Demon write all their demands down. He kept one eye on the pirate, just a little nervous about being on the deck of a ship that is likely used to fighting battles and stealing treasure. He reviewed the terms that Demon wrote, reading carefully for any tricks or loopholes that would have been created.

When he heard that his own blood would be used, Arthur felt a surge of happiness. Even though they would claim it was someone else's baby, it would still be his technically. If it weren't for this requirement Arthur would have never even thought about kids with Alfred, but now that it was here. . .it made him happy.

He picked the quill up from Demon and began with his own requests:

1) An heir, to be male in gender. Should the baby not be male the contract will be broken immediately.

2) The boy is to have wheat-colored hair, tanned skin, and blue eyes, matching that of his father so no one may doubt that he is not the proper and rightful heir.

3) The child's strength and physical abilities are to also match that of his father, so he may be just as wonderful of a King.

Arthur tapped his lips, trying to think. "Perhaps we should wait for my husband, to see if he has anything he would like to add."

by **King of Spades** Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:19 pm

The wooden door was burst open and Alfred rushed in, a dishevelled lady in tow. Apparently he had heard the demon's words, "No! We won't take Arthur's blood. At least...at least let it be this Lady's." The king looked determined, albeit out of breath from a long run.

Lady Chocolate was distinctively nervous, her usual chipper and sassy appearance replaced by worry. But she had agreed to Alfred's deal to be his official mistress. First she was outraged, ready to throw an expensive vase at her childhood friend, king or not. But then Alfred explained his situation.

It was heaven sent. This way she was free of her duty to marry an anonymous noble; her parents would be delighted as well. A Legitimate mistress was after all not frowned upon in the kingdom of Spades, unlike the inofficial occasional bed companions.

And Lady Chocolate wanted to escape marriage so badly. For Lady Chocolate liked women.

Her conservative family didn't have to know that and Alfred's offer was actually very attractive.

"And you won't call me to your bed, right?" She had asked with suspicion when they were inside the carriage.

"No, of course not, I love my husband and he's enough, thank you very much!" Lady Chocolate had to smile at that, feeling a new kind of bond blooming between them.

And now she was really relieved that she didn't actually have to bear a child. She had been gone for over a year and had just returned, so she could easily claim that she had secretly given birth to that child. Hopefully nobody would get suspicious.

Tonight was the first time she saw the Queen. He was beautiful and looked very feminine but then again not. Also, he looked like he could be a very stubborn and demanding person, fiery temperament under the frail looking shell. Better not getting on his bad side.

"Hello, I'm Alfred's mistress."

by **Queen of Spades** Thu Aug 25, 2011 1:36 pm

Unfortunately for her, the mere title of Alfred's mistress made Arthur already dislike her very much. And then coupled with the insult of Alfred not wanting to use his blood, but hers instead made Arthur feel inadequate. He huffed and stepped away from the parchment, obviously angry and hurt. "Fine. Do as you'd like." For a fleeting moment he had been excited, he would get to share a new life with his love. Now he felt like trash. He should get used to it, he knew. He was never meant for this position.

Why couldn't Alfred just marry the lady next to him? Clearly they were close, and Alfred would be happier with her. He wanted to share a child with her after all. Right now the separate Queen's chambers were looking lovely.

by Guest Thu Sep 01, 2011 1:13 pm

Demon America didn't particularly care to be involved in family affairs. His job was to conjure; usually babies for couples that were sterile, but desperately wanted offspring. He conjured babies expected in happiness, and love, and when he conjured for a same-sex couple, well, he was used to the initial excitement of their happiness at knowing the baby would be theirs. Very much theirs. But he wasn't going to question the motives of the King, and he wasn't to pretend he cared all that much. Well, he did, but his job was just do as he was told, so even if he could feel his heart wrenching from the sight of the Queen's face, he couldn't do much.

As the Demon took the blood sample from Lady Chocolate, after the final signing of the contract of course, he could feel the Queen's aura give off a painful sense of betrayal. And internally, he sobbed, taking the King's blood sample, mixing both together and beginning to conjure the child.

Within minutes, Demy had a bundle in his arms, kicking and crying. He pulled the blanket away from the child's eyes, smiling brightly when he noted that the child looked plenty human -- more than human even. He let the baby cup his finger with his tiny hand, letting his eyes flip from the child to the King.

A perfect replica.

A boy.

A prince.

The child sneezed, and the Demon's finger became a flower. "Wah!" panicked, he waved it off, letting out a deep breath, relieved when his finger returned to normal. "So, remember when I mentioned, uh, those quirks? -- I think you guys have a magical baby. Congrats!"

by **King of Spades** Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:08 pm

Alfred's expression was one filled with confusion. Why was Arthur reacting like that? He wanted to ask but got distracted by the child that had magically appeared before him, born from his blood. Alfred was mesmerized and in love. It was then that he understood why Arthur had reacted that way.

The child looked just like him, there were no visible characteristics of Lady Chocolate. Guilt made itself noticeable in the king's gut and he was almost ready to jump out of the ship to drown himself.

Carefully, he took the child and gently held him with unsure arms. "My son," he whispered. He could have easily called the prince 'our son' hadn't he been so stupid and hasty. He had feared that if they had taken Arthur's blood the baby would have noticeable similarities to Arthur, which would have been suspicious, they couldn't afford to be caught having business with demons.

"I'm sorry, Arthur..." Alfred said...and felt stupid.

It was Lady Chocolate's first encounter with the queen and she could immediately feel the love between the couple. She promptly felt sorry for him. Of course, she was still grateful to be free of any duties of marriage but she was suddenly questioning if this freedom was worth it. After all it was possibly in exchange with the happiness of his dearest friend's loved one.

by **Queen of Spades** Sun Sep 04, 2011 12:14 pm

"I'm sure you are." Arthur gave another nasty look to the Lady, one that clearly spelled out 'home-wrecker' without actually saying it. He nodded to the Captain and demon. "Your money will be wired to your account and I will speak with the oracle immediately about the release of your contract. Thank you for your services." He left the boat and took a handful of guards with him, walking back to the castle rather than riding with Alfred. His chest was too heavy and he hurt too much to think of being with the King right now.

Once in the castle he went to his own separate chambers, moving a few personal possessions from their joint rooms to the Queen's rooms. He told the guards to let no one bother him and locked the door, slumping down onto his bed. Words couldn't describe how horrible he felt about the whole ordeal, and how terrible he felt for loathing a small, innocent child in the way that he did. It just wasn't fair.

by **King of Spades** Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:20 pm

The kingdom and especially the advisors were overjoyed at the sudden appearance of a mistress and more importantly that of a prince, a strong and healthy looking one at that. Nobody doubted the origin of the baby boy, he was the spitting image of the king. Under normal circumstances it would have caused a scandal; a bastard child born out of the king's teenage foolery with a noble lady months ago. But it was easily forgotten as Lady Chocolate was now officially Alfred's mistress. They paid little heed to Alfred's and the mistress' long faces.

Alfred loved his son and wanted to protect him and shower all of his fatherly love over this frail being. He wished Arthur would do the same. But his husband had confined himself in his own chambers. And Alfred was scared, that the same story as his parents' would repeat itself. He didn't want to lose Arthur.

It had been three days and his royal bed was cold without Arthur. Every day he would knock and beg for forgiveness, only to be punished by Arthur's silence. Every explanation and apology ended up ignored.

That was why he was now bursting into the hall of the Oracle.

"You must help me!" He pleaded, eyes filled with tears. "Arthur won't see me! I don't want to lose him, what to do?!"

The Oracle, as always, was unfazed. "I am not your relationship doctor, Majesty."

"But you brought us together, so you must keep us together, damnit! This was all your fault anyway!"

"Is it?"

"Yes! N-no..."

"Make a baby with the Queen," she casually proposed. Alfred laughed bitterly.

"How? The demon was freed with your help, remember?"

"I'm not talking about conjuring but about giving birth to a child," she calmly said.

An eerie silence enveloped the sacred hall and Alfred was doubting the Oracle's sanity. "Men can't give birth to children."

"But women can. I will be damned for doing this but I need excitement from time to time. How would you like to see Arthur with firm, round breasts?"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Nothing could describe Alfred's expression, absolutely nothing.

"I couldn't do this sooner, as Arthur's child was destined to be a girl, a princess. So, what do say?"

"Bring it on, bitch!"

(what is this amazing trainwreck XDDD)

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