The Book of Prehistoric Proverbs

[Arthur the Hunter]

As the hunter sees a fish in a river and spears it, so must you spear your fish before it swims away.


This is where you must come if you wish to bask in the wisdom of your non-ancestors. Respect your elders, young men and women, learn from them, and perhaps you will become true survivors.

[Arthur Rabbit]

Even though when you were our age, you were nearing the end of your lifespan? XD

And what is your advice regarding rabbits, oh wise hunter? _{Surely it's about how unedible they are, right?}

[Arthur the Hunter]

Even though when you were our age, you were nearing the end of your lifespan? XD

*nods gravely* Hardships in life force one to learn faster. Have you noticed the children of this modern society? Sometimes they can be absolutely ridiculous.

Then again, you were all descended from Alfred, so that clears up a few things.

And what is your advice regarding rabbits, oh wise hunter? Surely it's about how unedible they are, right?

Rabbits are not inedible and are quite lovely in the winter, unfortunately, but out of respect for your noble species I will leave this piece of wisdom here. I am sure you will appreciate it.

As the rabbit runs from the hunter, so must the hunter also run from the rabbit.

[Guest]

Exes, Mr. Neanderthal. Give us some wisdom to do with exes!

[Arthur the Hunter]

Exes, Mr. Neanderthal. Give us some wisdom to do with exes!

I appreciate your eagerness, Newbie. It is always good for youngsters to have this stirring in their blood.

In my day, when we wanted to get rid of an ex-lover, we would take them to a bear cave.



I suggest you find a similar institution.

[Mr. Kirkland]

How might one go about spearing "a fish"?

[Arthur the Hunter]

How might one go about spearing "a fish"?

I- er, it's... Erm... *clears throat*

Well, it's a very delicate process. Naturally, when one is first presented with the... fish, one is very excited and prone to making mistakes. The first time is never done correctly. You must get the timing exactly right, and enough force should be put behind it so that you reach your goal- but too much force will of course be painful for yourself. You also cannot just jump into a river and start spearing left and right and expect to have a catch; you must be like a steady rock in the stream, and let them trust you. Without trust, there is no... spearing.

It gets easier the more you do it.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Let's say you were a pirate... But you didn't know how to swim and might be a teeny bit deathly afraid of said water, how would you combat this problem?

I'm just asking that to help a crew member of mine. There's no way that the brilliant Captain Kirkland is afraid of water.

[Arthur the Hunter]

First, I must commend your crew member for his bravery in surrounding himself with something he fears, and also laugh at his idiocy. It's kind of attractive. It reminds me of a Cro-Magnon I used to know.

Being a hunter, I am surrounded by dangerous things every day, and I can tell you that it is only when you allow yourself to be crippled by fear that you are truly defeated. Use your fear to your advantage.

Nature is the master of your fate, but you alone are the master of your nature.

Also, make him walk the plank a few times a day, that should do the trick.

[Officer Kirkland]

THIS IS A CONTINUATION OF MEATY'S POST. DURING MEATY'S TIME PERIOD, YOUTUBE DID NOT YET EXIST AND THUS MEATY CANNOT POST LINKS... YET.


And I am just going to leave this here because I admire pirates for being able to turn enduring the elements into a lucrative profession. It is a beautiful song about not letting yourself be defeated, despite all hardships. There should be a hunter version- we were the originals after all.



And another one, to help your crew member appreciate what he has. I hear this song is very good for pirate team building exercises.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Thank you for the wisdom!

Though we don't have planks on my ship, and dumping a crewmember into the water would ensure their death, so... I can see why you went extinct.

Nevertheless, I have another question.

Are you a spear or a fish?

[Arthur the Hunter]

Though we don't have planks on my ship, and dumping a crewmember into the water would ensure their death, so... I can see why you went extinct.

Nevertheless, I have another question.

Are you a spear or a fish?

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!!

Also, I see what you did there.



I'll leave you to figure that out.

[Wanda]

So, wait... my ancestor is named Alfred as well?

That part of spearing a fish is making me think you mean something really different.

Anyway!

Any tips on survival? Oh sure, it's not cold over, but...

[Arthur the Hunter]

FRESH BLOOD!

Thank you, young man, for showing an interest. It pleases me to see that the youth are still listening to the wise words of their elders.

That part of spearing a fish is making me think you mean something really different.

Modern society these days, must everything be explained to you? Listen to your instincts, to the will of nature!

Any tips on survival? Oh sure, it's not cold over, but...

I am glad you asked. Despite the lack of cold, one of the most important things is to have layered clothing that will keep you warm while also being easy to remove. This will prepare you for all kinds of weather. You may also oil the furs you use to cover yourself to make them waterproof.

Food is hard to come by, especially meat, because you may have to defend yourself against other predators that try to take your food. Remember what I said previously- if you let yourself be crippled by your fear, you are lost.

Build up your strength, young one, and maybe you shall yet become a master hunter.

So, wait... my ancestor is named Alfred as well?

Yes.

He was a Cro-Magnon, and a survivor. Respect him for though he is not with us now, he soon shall be.


I will find you, my darling. I promise.

[Mr. Kirkland]

Why is the horizon so far away?

[Arthur the Hunter]

Why is the horizon so far away?

Horizons are just Nature's way of saying "Bugger off, you're never going to get there!"



THIS IS A LIE.




Credits to Payface on tumblr for the picture.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

...... What am I supposed to do with a dead Deathclaw?

of course, that's if I manage to kill one of those damn things first

[Arthur the Hunter]

...... What am I supposed to do with a dead Deathclaw?

In my day, we did not have these disgusting creatures.

However, I suggest you take their claws and turn them into weapons for your own use. I imagine their hide would also make a fabulous overcoat.

[Officer Kirkland]

Oh wise elder...

What should a lonely fish do when his spear is unavailable? -cuddles Poofy the Second to his chest-

[Wanda]

FRESH BLOOD!

*is trying to decide if to worry or not.

Thank you, young man, for showing an interest. It pleases me to see that the youth are still listening to the wise words of their elders.

You are welcome, old man.

Modern society these days, must everything be explained to you? Listen to your instincts, to the will of nature!

My instincts tell me that the spearing the fish comment is suppose to be take as sexual and not stabbing a real fish for to eat.

I am glad you asked. Despite the lack of cold, one of the most important things is to have layered clothing that will keep you warm while also being easy to remove. This will prepare you for all kinds of weather. You may also oil the furs you use to cover yourself to make them waterproof.

Food is hard to come by, especially meat, because you may have to defend yourself against other predators that try to take your food. Remember what I said previously- if you let yourself be crippled by your fear, you are lost.

Build up your strength, young one, and maybe you shall yet become a master hunter.

Thank you for the tips! I will make sure I remember them.

Yes.

He was a Cro-Magnon, and a survivor. Respect him for though he is not with us now, he soon shall be.


I will find you, my darling. I promise.

...Um, I'm sure he will show up soon?

*is trying to decide with question to ask*

What was he like?

(...i swear that I had another question but then I forgot it. >:|)

[Arthur the Hunter]

Oh wise elder...

What should a lonely fish do when his spear is unavailable?

He who cannot find a spear, must find a club.


Modern humans are so amusing.

[Officer Kirkland]

And where exactly would one find a club? How can the club replace a spear?

-innuendos flying straight over his head-

[Damsey]

Oh, wise one...

How must people court each other? xD

And where did we all come from? Fish? or Apes? @_@

[Arthur the Hunter]

And where exactly would one find a club? How can the club replace a spear?

A club can give more. Much, much more.

Also, it can be highly satisfactory, using a club. A good lot of pounding can be had from clubs.

-innuendos flying straight over his head-

You must be a direct descendant of Alfred. You certainly have his wit.

[Officer Kirkland]

Oh wise elder...

Should a club be kept separate from a spear or can they be stored together?

And if you club a fish, won't it... Splatter?

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