Re: To Serve And Protect. [R18]

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur’s light, happy mood shrivelled up and died as Alfred spoke. He bit his lip, letting his sleeves slip down over his hands. What was he supposed to say? Alfred would just call his reasons ridiculous. It was just… he liked being with Alfred. He liked talking to Alfred and holding Alfred’s hand and kissing Alfred and waking up next to Alfred. He liked loving Alfred and having the American by his side.

But he was well aware that he himself wasn’t likeable. Arthur turned and stared out of the window, fiddling with his over-long sleeves. “I just want you to like me,” he muttered quietly, barely loudly enough to be heard over the radio. It was a ridiculous, childish thing to say and he blushed while frowning. “I mean, you said that you love me… and I love you, too. But you’re loveable, and I’m…” he trailed off, pressing his forehead against the glass and refusing to look at his partner-turned-boyfriend.

They’d only properly met a week ago. He loved Alfred, yes, well… as much as he was capable of loving. He certainly felt more for Alfred than he ever had for anyone else, but… that was because Alfred was handsome, and kind, and gentle and fierce and warm and protective and Alfred. Arthur… well, he couldn’t completely prevent Alfred from seeing the ugly side of him and becoming bored—or worse, disgusted. But he could certainly delay it as much as possible.

[Detective Jones]

Alfred drove his truck quietly, turning the music down a bit so that he could hear Arthur better and nodding slightly as he listened, mouth drawing into an even frown.

Finally he moves a hand down to rest on Arthur's thigh shyly. "Of course I like you. I wouldn't spend so much time with you if I didn't." He starts out wiggling a bit in his seat. "I appreciate you wanting to do everything I liked but ya know..I like doing things with you that you like too." Alfred fondly remembers the little tea shop they had went to a long while back. That had secretly been one of his favorite days. "And who says your not lovable." Alfred does grin at that. Arthur could be so very affectionate when he wanted to be it seemed.

Just thinking about all of it made Alfred feel rather giddy and when he stopped the car at a red light he leaned over and placed a kiss on the side of Arthur's cheek, lamenting that he couldn't reach his lips with the angle Arthur had positioned himself in the seat.

[Officer Kirkland]

The hand on his thigh and the kiss to his cheek made Arthur flush bright red. He didn’t deserve someone so wonderful. He really didn’t. But Alfred was here with him right now, and Arthur would be silly to not enjoy it while it lasted. Because it definitely would only last so long. He’d been called hot once, while having sex. He’d been called sexy. He’d also been called a whore, a slut, a little bitch. He’d been called by other peoples’ names. But no one had ever called him lovable before. No one had ever said that they’d liked him, wanted to spend time with him, appreciated him, or loved him. No one, except Alfred. Arthur glanced across at his boyfriend and slowly reached down, lacing his fingers with those on his thigh.

“I want to have a proper breakfast with you, then,” he requested softly, staring down at his lap. “I want Eggs Florentine. And tea. We’ll have none of that sugary rubbish for breakfast.”

He hated how petulant and demanding he sounded, but that was how he was and Alfred had told him to tell the American what he wanted. “Find somewhere to eat nearby. You can’t miss your appointment.” He bit his lip, waiting to see if Alfred would change his mind and decide that Arthur wasn’t worth it after all.

[Detective Jones]

Alfred held onto Arthur's hand firmly in his and smiled brightly in the direction of the street when he heard the response that he had been waiting for. He began looking around for a more proper breakfast place along the sides of the road.

"Alright, that sounds more like it." Alfred says a little happy skip in his voice. He really wanted Arthur to open up more to him and this just might be the start of it. "Does this place look good?" Alfred asks pointing out a small diner as he slowed down the car a bit, foot teasing at the break peddle as he tugged on Arthur's hand to make him look. "The doctor's office is right around here so it's close enough."

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur peered out of the window at the diner that Alfred was pointing at. It seemed decent enough, he supposed. Better than a doughnut stand, at any rate. He nodded. “That looks fine,” he said, trying to disguise the relief he felt at Alfred’s reaction. He kept his hand linked with Alfred’s for as long as possible, until his boyfriend needed both of his hands in order to park the car.

As soon as they stepped onto the street Arthur bit his lip and hesitantly reached for Alfred’s hand again. He didn’t want to appear clingy or demanding but there were women around. And they were quite obviously eyeing his boyfriend. Arthur scowled at them and tugged Alfred along behind him by the hand pointedly. It didn’t stop them from admiring the American, but at least he was the one holding Alfred’s hand.

They found a table in the diner without much hassle and Arthur immediately checked the menu to make sure that they had what he wanted. Fortunately Eggs Florentine was indeed on the menu; Arthur wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react had they not been available. “What are you going to order?” he asked, sniffling as he reached across the table and gripped Alfred’s hand possessively. Even if he wasn’t a beautiful, delicate female, he was the one dining with Alfred right now. That would no doubt change in the future, but he could enjoy the time he had with Alfred while it lasted. “Have you chosen anything yet?”

[Detective Jones]

At Arthur's approval Alfred pulls off into the parking lot of the diner and finds a spot to park in. Locking up and sliding out of the truck is he surprised by Arthur's sudden clingy mood, not that he wasn't clingy himself but this was a bit odd he thought. He liked holding Arthur's hand though so he didn't complain. He did feel slightly awkward as everyone seemed to be staring at him. He fidgeted a bit as he found a table and sat down, pulling a menu over and looking through it as his hand was taken once again.

"I'll have some eggs too and some sausage and maybe pancakes." Alfred says glancing over the menu at the pictures, everything looked good. "I'm glad we stopped here." He adds with a pleasant smile on his face. He squeezes Arthur's hand, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles lazily.

[Officer Kirkland]

“I’m glad, as well,” Arthur breathed, giving Alfred a small smile from across the table. The sensation of Alfred’s thumb rubbing over his knuckles was very comforting and he slowly relaxed more, ignoring the women who couldn’t stop staring at Alfred. It wasn’t Alfred’s fault that he was tall and handsome, with broad shoulders and a charming smile, right? As long at the American didn’t reciprocate… but no. As much as he didn’t want to let Alfred go, Arthur knew that he didn’t have an eternal claim to the man. If Alfred chose to leave… Arthur would just have to back out of the relationship gracefully. Or as gracefully as he could, which would probably involve a dangerous amount of alcohol.

They ordered and ate quickly, leaving their fingers entwined across the table whenever possible. Every now and then, Arthur would glance around and frown at seeing women staring at his boyfriend, but he mostly managed to concentrate on just the two of them, here, together. His breakfast was quite nice, and he wondered if he could make Eggs Florentine for Alfred some time. The American had ordered huge piles of food, yet still managed to finish it all in the time it took for Arthur to finish his single dish. Of course Arthur helped, picking at the pancakes before declaring them too sweet for his tastes.

They paid and left, barely arriving at the optometrist on time. Arthur took a seat and flipped through gardening magazines while Alfred went in to have his eyes tested again.

[Detective Jones]

Alfred did his very best to ignore the staring. He was at a loss for why people would want to stare so openly unless it was because they were two guys...holding hands over breakfast. He fidgeted in his seat trying to get more comfortable under all the eyes. He doesn't want to let go of Arthur's hand.

As Breakfast goes on he starts to settle in, eating his food happy to ignore the people and stuff his face instead. He tries to shyly feed Arthur a piece of his pancakes similar to how they had done over dinner the night before but he was much more flushed about it in public.

When he had finally finished eating he leaned back in his seat and gave a long sigh, content after a nice big meal. He was quickly interrupted by Arthur tugging him to leave though soon after. He groaned out a protest but got up and went back out to the car finally.

At the doctor's he gave Arthur a small peck on the cheek while no one was looking, thankfully the office was rather empty, before turning to disappear into the exam room. Inside wasn't very bad. He was nervous to say the least. He had never had very much reason to go to doctor's frequently in his life and the idea of someone poking at his eyes wasn't a very comfortable one. So when the doctor came in he had a moment of panic that he pushed down before they started talking.

The doctor asked how he had gotten injured and what he had been doing until now and why he hadn't come in sooner and all those invasive questions that doctors like to ask. Then the poking. Alfred had lights shined in his eyes and drops put into them that made him wiggle and tear up a bit and then had to read that stupid chart that's always on the walls before finally receiving a pair of glasses again.

He answered a few more questions before being aloud to leave, going back to the waiting room where Arthur was.

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur had finished his gardening magazine and was half-heartedly working his way through the pile of women's magazines by the time Alfred emerged. He took one last look at the article that he'd been reading -- 'How to Look Beautiful For Your Man' -- before blushing and snapping the magazine shut. He wasn't a woman, but he still wanted to keep Alfred's attention on him for as long as possible. Arthur was older, and scarred, and he was by no means beautiful, unlike Alfred. But if he followed some of the tips, perhaps he could pretend to be?

Arthur took a deep breath and gave Alfred a smile as he reached out for the American's hand. They sorted out the payment with the receptionist -- who seemed shocked at their entwined fingers, but remained professional -- and soon they were making their way back to the car. "We should go to the station," he said, fiddling with the manilla folder. He paused to blow his nose, and continued, "I just need to drop something off, and then we can do something else for the rest of the day. Anything that you like."

He closed his eyes, slumping back against the seat in his oversized pullover. He was so tired. Arthur lazily eyed Alfred's shoulder before giving in and leaning across, sleepily resting his head against his boyfriend. "Are the glasses okay?" he mumbled, allowing himself to settle into a comfortable position. He probably wasn't making much sense. "Is it... Hmm, better?"

[Detective Jones]

Alfred eyed the stack of magazines beside Arthur and just chuckled to himself. As they payed and went out to the car Alfred was having a fun time just really looking at everything. The world was clear again and the colors popped out happily and he felt like a kid again. He smiled and thanked the receptionist, too busy with gazing at everything to noticed the shocked look on her face.

"What are you dropping off?" Alfred asks eyeing the folder in Arthur's hands as he starts up the car once again. When Arthur leans onto him he pauses in backing out the car to look over and down at Arthur, bringing an arm up around his shoulders protectively. It was..amazing. Now that he could see clearly again and he was looking at Arthur with that lumpy pullover on, slightly red nosed and tired, there wasn't any doubt in his mind that he really did love the man. He coughs awkwardly and leans his head on top of Arthur's. "They're great..it's great..I can see you much better now."

[Officer Kirkland]

"N-never you mind!" Arthur mumbled, huffing softly against Alfred's shoulder. He'd done the report to spare Alfred having to dredge up too many memories of what had happened the other night. Alfred seemed to be handling it remarkably well, but Arthur still felt a crushing sense of guilt every time he thought about it. What had he been thinking, letting an innocent virgin, his boyfriend, go into that kind of situation? He hadn't been, that's what. 

Suddenly he was nervous. What if Alfred became angry with him for not including him while writing the report? What if Alfred became upset and thought that he was being over-coddled? Arthur tightened his grip on the folder and bit his lip. He was terrible at being a boyfriend, wasn't he? He wasn't cut out for this. He was supposed to suffer through loveless one-night stands for the rest of his life. How could Alfred sound so loving when he spoke to Arthur? How could he bear being with Arthur?

He blew his nose again before hiding his face against Alfred's shoulder. He wanted the contact, but couldn't bear to have Alfred gaze down at him. Not after saying those words with such tenderness in his voice. He hid his face and remained silent until they arrived at the station.

Once there, they made their way inside. A lot of the officers stopped talking and turned to look at them, and Arthur wondered how much they'd heard all ready.  Gossip travelled through the station pretty quickly, and they'd probably heard about the second set of stupid mistakes that Arthur had made in two cases. 

Then someone wolf-whistled, and Arthur realised that he was only gripping the folder in one hand. The other was clasping Alfred's hand tightly. 

[Detective Jones]

Alfred paused in his thoughts to cast a concerned glance down at his boyfriend. He was acting awfully strange but then again he was on the border of being sick so he chalked it up to Arthur not feeling well. He moved his hand to run it through Arthur's hair comfortingly before placing both hands on the wheel so that he can drive properly.

Alfred followed Arthur into the station not letting go of the other's hand as it had become second nature by then for them both it seemed. His eyes trail on the envelope in Arthur's other hand suspiciously wondering what it could be. It toke him a long moment to think before coming to the correct conclusion. "You did the report already?" He asks in a low voice sounding a little bit upset. He had thought they might work on it together. Then again they had both been lacking on their duties for a few days that they were aloud for recuperation. Maybe he wasn't being responsible enough and Arthur had toke things into his own hands.

His thoughts where interrupted by the whistle and again his mind came to a halt before it starting in the right direction again. He looks down at their hands between them and with a small sound he hoped no one caught he pulled his away, knotting his own hands behind his back as a flush spread across his face.

[Officer Kirkland]

There was no way that he could have missed his boyfriend's upset tone. Arthur wanted to explain, to say that he'd finished the report by himself so that Alfred wouldn't have to remember, wouldn't have to recall those traumatising events. He knew that Alfred had every right to be angry with him, but that didn't stop the pained and betrayed expression from settling across his face when Alfred jerked their hands apart. He blinked rapidly, stumbling back a step. Arthur was tired, tired and sick and when that happened, his hold on his emotions was... Weak. 

"You seducing the New Boy, Kirkland?"

Arthur swallowed heavily and tore his gaze away from Alfred, turning to look at the officer who had spoken. 

"Corrupting, more like." A different officer chimed in. Arthur bit his lip and balled his fists, but the cruel words kept coming. 

"I heard you were easy, but seriously. You so lonely that you pick on the New Boy?"

"Is he a screamer, New Boy? Is he any good?"

Arthur couldn't look at anyone. His head was pounding and his nose was running and there was a strange ache in his chest. He kept his eyes on the floor and hunched his shoulders defensively as he fled in the direction of the Chief's office. 

[Detective Jones]

Every added comment only made Alfred's face redden further. He looked over to Arthur for some kind of help or support but he looked equally uncertain Alfred thought.

Alfred wanted to reply to the comment to tell them that they were all wrong. TO tell them that he wasn't the new kid..he had been there unnoticed for months..He had never imagined that the other officers could be this cruel. It made him a little angry.

"It's not...like that..Stop it..I'm not some newbie.." Alfred tries to say but it comes out as less then confident and he's quickly becoming frustrated and hurt and. Oh no, Arthur must be upset as well.

Alfred looks up in time to see Arthur turn and leave towards the chief's office and oh no, they were in big trouble. What would the chief think or do. Alfred glances up and gives a sharp glare towards the rest of the office before quickly stepping after Arthur trying to get into the chief's as well.

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur felt so stupid. No matter how many times Alfred kissed him, no matter how lovingly he spoke or how warm and kind and caring he was... No one, not even Alfred, would be able to proudly stand in front of their colleagues and declare that they were in a relationship. They... were in a relationship, weren't they? Or had this entire thing been an elaborate ruse to batter at Arthur's defences and then strike when it hurt the most? Because bloody hell, it hurt. 

But it was his own fault. Deep down, he'd known. He'd known that no one would actually want him. And still, he'd allowed himself to believe Alfred. So stupid. 

He threw open the door to the Chief's office without knocking and threw the folder onto the Chief's desk. "There's your report," he said, making no effort to hide how upset he was. "I'm going home now. Don't bother me."

[Detective Jones]

Alfred picked up his pace and flew into the chief's office after Arthur reaching out to grab him by the shoulders, trying to be reassuring but stumbling over his own feet in the process clumsily. "Arthur.." Alfred isn't sure what to say and with the chief right there in front of them both now he is sure that he better watch what comes out of his mouth.

"I..don't listen to them." Alfred says finally trying to keep his voice low so that maybe the chief wasn't pick up that something is wrong by some sort of miracle.

[Officer Kirkland]

The Chief gave both of them a strange look and opened the folder. He flipped through the report slowly and glanced up at where Arthur was flinching from Alfred's touch. "It's fine," he said eventually. "Go home and sort yourselves out. I'd rather your lovers spat not affect your work."

Arthur looked up then, eyes wide. "I... We're..." Were they lovers? Arthur didn't know anymore. He certainly wanted to be... But if Alfred was ashamed of him, ashamed of them... well, then it didn't matter what Arthur wanted, did it?

"Aren't you seeing each other?" the Chief challenged, looking at the two of them. 

Arthur gave Alfred another look full of betrayal and hurt, and took a shuddering breath. "I don't know," he said, turning to stare at the wall. His hands were balled into fists and his shoulders remained hunched over. He felt small and vulnerable, unable to defend himself with his temper and sharp tongue. It shouldn't have hurt. But it did. "Are we, Alfred?"

[Detective Jones]

Alfred was still trying to get Arthur to look at him when the chief spoke up and yet again he had to stop what he was doing and stare for a good few moments before he could respond. Strangely enough the chief didn't sound to angry as Alfred had imagined he might be. Actually he didn't sound surprised at all.

So at the question Alfred felt all resolve crumble. He was terrible at lying anyways and felt guilty about it the times that he did. So he nodded, sliding his hand down into Arthur's again. "You my boyfriend..that's the same thing right?" He says trying to will the flush in his cheeks away.

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur had been mentally preparing himself for heartbreak. After all, if Alfred hadn't been able to hold his hand in front of their colleagues, what chance was there of Alfred admitting to loving someone like Arthur in front of their boss? He had fully withdrawn from himself, locking away his emotions to deal with once he was safely behind locked doors with a decent amount of alcohol. So when something warm and slightly sweaty closed around his hand, Arthur could only jerk in surprise and gaze at Alfred, numb. 

"That's what I thought," Arthur replied in a flat voice after a moment. "But you weren't all that eager to defend me earlier, were you?" He stared down at their hands, feeling like he should jerk away but not wanting to. "I mean, you shouldn't have to defend me if they're telling the truth, right? There was no need to defend me, was there? Because I'm easy, aren't I? I'm not worth being in a relationship with, and you're ashamed to be with me."

"Kirkland," the Chief warned, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. "Don't be so eager to throw something away. And for God's sake, give the boy a chance to speak!"

[Detective Jones]

Alfred cast the chief a thankful glance turning to look at Arthur hoping that he looked a lot more confident than he felt at the moment.

"I tried..I just thought it was supposed to be a secret and when they all started talking I panicked and I'm sorry. You have to believe me though, I don't believe any of the things they were saying. In fact it..it made me really mad." Alfred says honestly. He only hoped that Arthur believed him. "I have no idea where you got the idea that being with you isn't worth it I mean, I've enjoyed all of our time together so far."

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur took a moment to control himself before looking back at Alfred. The American's face was honest and upset, and his eyes were filled with concern--and love. Arthur desperately wanted to believe that that love was directed towards him. But... "You pulled away," he said accusingly, his hurt evident. "When they saw our hands, you pulled away as if you were disgusted to be touching me! I know that I'm not... anything, but you said... And I believed..."

He ducked his head as if to protect himself from further pain.  It had been better when he'd been numb. He should never had allowed himself to open up and let the American close. "May I be dismissed?" Arthur asked quietly, letting his gaze fall on the Chief's desk. 

"No," the man refused firmly. "Kirkland, you will stay in this office until you and Jones sort this out. This is a prime example of why I shouldn't allow dating within the station -- but I have to make an exception this time." He steepled his fingers and looked from one officer to the other. "You need this, Arthur. How you treat yourself... It isn't healthy."

Arthur swallowed and stared down at his hand. It was enclosed fully within Alfred's large, warm hand. The taller blond's grip was tight, but not too tight. It felt... Nice. And right. And though he'd pulled away before, Alfred was voluntarily holding Arthur's hand now... Which surely counted for something. Right? He felt a squeeze on his hand and slowly, tentatively, he squeezed back. "I want to go home," he muttered, sniffling softly as he tried to hold back a sneeze. "I'm tired."

[Detective Jones]

"Arthur..what do you want me to say?" Alfred asks sounding distressed. Yes he had pulled away but it wasn't because he wanted to hurt Arthur. Alfred still barely knew what he was doing when it came to dating and the whole liking a man thing didn't make it any simpler and it being Arthur. Well, he never quite knew how to read his boyfriend.

Alfred glanced at the chief nervously, bringing his free hand up and rubbing at the back of his neck while looking sheepish. "I was nervous and I didn't want either of us to get into trouble. I didn't think..we would be allowed to. I mean if I got fired it would be fine." Alfred has to bite back as a sharp sinking feeling hits his stomach. If he got fired that would be the end of his work as an officer, he knew it and that pained him but he tried to look casual about it. "But you've done so much. Who am I to get you fired from something you've done for so long.."

When he was finished talking Alfred fell silent for a bit. There he had said everything. He didn't know what else he could do. "I'll take you home if you want.." He offers holding Arthur's hand a little tighter.

[Officer Kirkland]

“Arthur.”

Arthur finally looked up at the warning tone in his boss’s voice. What Alfred said… made sense. After all, they had agreed to keep it a secret until they decided to become open about it. And normally colleagues wouldn’t be allowed to date each other, so it was true that there had been the possibility of being fired or transferred. But it had hurt to know that the man he wanted to be with couldn’t bear to hold his hand in front of their colleagues.

“I know that this is new for you,” he said carefully, “and I know that you’re uncertain. But you have to know what you want. What’s more important, them or me? Because for me, I wouldn’t give a bloody fuck about who saw us together. I… want to be with you.”

He glanced at the Chief and saw the man give an approving nod, so Arthur slowly looked up and met Alfred’s eyes. “Just… take me home,” he said quietly. “We can rent another movie or something, if you’d like.” He hoped that Alfred would accept the small peace offering. He was just as confused as Alfred was, and he had little experience with these things. “I-if you want to, that is,” he quickly corrected himself.

[Detective Jones]

Alfred listened and gave a sigh of defeat. Arthur was right as well and he knew it. He needed to stop being so afraid and be bolder. He could do it in any other area of his life so why not this as well.

"You of course." He answers. "Always you." Alfred gives a small smile and with all the courage he can muster kisses Arthur's cheek. He nods sharply to the chief and gives a thankful look while his face reddens slightly. He can't believe he just did that in front of his boss. With another assuring nod he turns to leave the office with Arthur, not letting go of his hand. "Your place or mine?" He asks doing his best to sound lighthearted once again. "We can order pizza and watch something..together." He adds with a bit of hopefulness.

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur’s face flushed as Alfred kissed his cheek – in front of their boss, no less! – but at the same time, his heart soared. Against all odds, Alfred had chosen him. He tightened his grip on Alfred’s hand and stared determinedly at their entwined fingers as they made their way past the other officers again. A few of them let out some mocking jeers, but the majority watched silently. Arthur stayed close to Alfred’s side and just kept walking. No matter what their colleagues thought, they wanted to be together.

“Just take me home,” he repeated vaguely once they had made their way inside Alfred’s car. “I don’t care what we watch or eat.” He had to force himself to let go of Alfred and tried to busy his hands with his seatbelt. “I just… want to be with you.” Arthur settled into his seat and leaned over to rest his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder, making a mental note to thank the Chief without really thanking him – perhaps he’d just be a bit less demanding for a while. The Chief would appreciate that.

Eventually, Alfred would grow tired of him and find someone else, someone more suited to him. That was perfectly normal. But right here, right now, Alfred was his and he was Alfred’s, and that was all that mattered.

[Sponsored content]