I'll tell you what's wrong with this country: Our proximity to France! [Kirk, Fuzzy, + Poofy]

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Perhaps Arthur should have stopped drinking after the second beer, however it was much too late for such thoughts as he was trouncing about, dressed like a pirate. It had been a mess of a costume party, and well, due to some unpleasantries with a certain damned Frenchman, Arthur had hit the drinks early and in large amounts. It was an explanation for why he was convinced he was a nobleman turned seafaring rogue.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" The drunken man began to sing as he stumbled home after being thrown out of the party. He managed to harass a few people on the streets, leering and grumbling about how he ruled the seas and whatnot.

"Drink and the devil had done for the rest! Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum!"

[Officer Kirkland]

Officer Arthur Kirkland hated doing patrols on Tuesday nights. Tuesdays were the quietest nights and while it meant that he and his boyfriend could drive around in relative peace while getting paid, he’d still have preferred to be cuddling with Alfred in bed. It was a relatively cold night and he drove slowly, scanning the streets for any sign of disturbances. But all was quiet and still, and Arthur sighed. It wasn’t that he wanted something to happen; he just wanted to finish their patrol so that they could go home.

He glanced over at his boyfriend, watching the American sing along to the radio softly. At least he got to spend this time with Alfred. He gave the other man a soft smile and laid a hand gently on his thigh, barely turning back to the road in time to see a figure lurch out in front of the car. He slammed the brakes on and swore loudly, catching sight of a few angry women on the side of the road.

Looks like they’d filled their quota for the night, Arthur thought as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “Come on, darling,” he sighed, “let’s get this drunk and disorderly git back to the station and go home.”

[Detective Jones]

Alfred was making the best of a rather boring night having tuned the radio to one of his favorite stations and singing along with all the songs, occasionally trying to serenade Arthur when a love song came on. He returns the enduring look before being lurched forward against the dash when the brakes are stomped. "What the.." he says turning to look out the front window while righting his police hat on his head.

"Right-o!" Alfred says climbing out of his side of the car with his serious business face on. "You didn't hit him did you? cause that might make us the guilty party somehow." He says as he round to the front of the car looking at the man there.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Perhaps it was the copious amount of alcohol talking, but there were some saucy wenches on the other side of the street. Not wanting to lose the chance of showing off his pirate charms, Arthur stepped off the sidewalk and tried to cross the street.

Luckily for those ladies, the drunken "pirate" had his attention diverted by a car that nearly hit him. Arthur was caught off guard by the sudden appearance of the police car, "Oi! Watch where yer drivin! ... Sodding gits could get arrested for driving so terribly!" he shouted at the car that could have sent him to his maker.

Forgetting to get out of the road, he turned towards the front of the car and blinked at it. He squinted his eyes, trying to get a better look at the car as well as it's passengers. Oddly enough, they were policemen. Arthur never would have guessed that policemen would have been riding in a marked police car. Ridiculous!

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur climbed out of the car and stood with his hands on his hips, surveying the man in front of them. He looked strangely familiar… but Arthur just couldn’t place the face. The man was dressed rather ridiculously though, and he was obviously drunk if the stench of alcohol was anything to go by. There. By fulfilling their quota, they wouldn’t have to complete the rest of the patrol. They just had to drop him off at the station, fill in a page or two of paperwork and then leave. It was perfect. "See? I didn't hit him," he said to his partner with a small scowl. The women on the other side of the street all stopped to stare at them.

“Has he been bothering you, miss?” he asked the closest woman, who nodded vigorously.

“He’s been looking at our chests and keeps talking real dirty,” she replied, and the others all murmured in agreement. “Someone that drunk shouldn’t be out terrorising innocents, sir!”

“Well then,” he said, eyeing the man, “I suppose you’d best come with us, mate. Alfred, if you’d cuff him…” he went back to the car and opened the back door, waiting for his boyfriend to lead the drunkard into the car. There was something very strange about the man… Arthur shook his head. They’d figure it out back at the station.

[Detective Jones]

"Ya almost did." Alfred says with a laugh as he steps forward to get a closer look at the drunken man while taking his cuffs from his belt. He'd let Arthur talk to the woman, he had nothing to worry about anyways. Arthur was his and that wasn't changing any time soon.

He grabs the unruly man's wrists, clacking one of the cuffs on while reaching for the other before he slows down staring at his face. "...Babe..I know its dark and stuff but this guy kinda looks like you." He says face turning curious. He shakes it off and cuffs the other hand before tugging him towards the vehicle.

"Let's just hurry and get him in, gotta fulfill our duty to the town and all that ya know." Alfred says proudly before his cheeks flush slightly. "And then I can fulfill my duty to you too."

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

The two officers approached him, and it was only when the handcuffs were fastened around his wrists that Arthur realized he was being arrested. He glared at the policeman with glasses, "Lemme go! You can't arrest me for your bad driving!" Obviously, Arthur was not aware of just how drunk he was.

"I'm Lord Arthur Kirkland, ruler of the seven seas and infamous pirate! You can't arrest me, you tossers!" He shouted, trying to wiggle his way out of the handcuffs with little to no success.

After quite a while of thinking and listening (somewhat) to the conversation between the two officers, he realized that they were together. Well, that could certainly be turned to his advantage. Perhaps he could avoid jail or other punishment if he offered to.... assist one of the officers. A slight smirk wormed its way across the drunken pirate's face.

[Officer Kirkland]

“… Arthur Kirkland?” Arthur repeated, frowning. “Oi, what do you think you’re playing at? How do you know my name?” He peered at the drunkard once Alfred had gotten him into the back of the vehicle. The man still looked vaguely familiar… but Arthur still couldn’t place where he’d seen him before. “Are you sure he looks like me, darling?” he asked dubiously as he closed the back door. “He certainly looks familiar, but…” Arthur trailed off as he buckled in and started the car up again.

The trip back to the station was relatively quiet and uneventful, other than the ramblings of the drunk man in the back. Arthur kept his eyes on the road but allowed his hand to stray to Alfred’s every once in a while. Finally, he parked in front of the station and hauled the other man out.

“Maybe you should fill in the forms while I take this bloke to a cell, love,” he muttered, steering the strangely-dressed man towards the front door of the station. “Go get a coffee too. You’ll need it for later, and I’ll have him settled by the time you’re back.” He gave Alfred a small, suggestive smile and frogmarched the man down the corridor towards the cells.

[Detective Jones]

Alfred has to laugh as he slides into his side of the car. "Haha see, you even got the same name." He says not really thinking about any deeper implications of that. "Also." He adds, wiggling his fingers on his forehead. "You got the same eyebrows..that's definitely it."

On the way back he fumbles around with Arthur's hand in his, joking and telling him to keep them on the steering wheel.

when they get back to the station Alfred allows Arthur to cart off the villein but not before blowing him a kiss. "Alright..i'll go do the boring part this time. I'll try and hurry up though. Be back in a few." He says as he grins and turns the corner to go do the work.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Arthur didn't put up much of a fight as he was herded into the car before marched into a cell. However, once the two officers split up and he was left alone with the other Englishman, Arthur's smirk widened. Despite the presence of handcuffs, he attempted to pin the officer to the wall of the cell.

With a purr, the pirate slid his knee in between the policeman's legs. "So ye fancy lads, hm~? How about we make a deal? You let me go, and I let you get off? How does that sound?" Arthur spoke, face nearly close enough to kiss the officer.

"Wouldn't it feel nice? For you to be handcuffed and moaning, begging me to fill you up and fuck you until you couldn't even remember your name?" the pirate purred again, trying to convince the officer to agree to the deal. After all, it would be win-win for the pirate. He would avoid jail, while getting laid in the process. A sober Arthur might be surprised at the genius of such a solution, though the solution lacked a certain.... elegance, one might say.

"Of course, for any of this to happen, you'd need to remove my handcuffs."

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur froze as the drunk man pinned him against wall of the cell, one knee rubbing dangerously close to his groin. “I… I’m a police officer,” he stammered, eyes wide as the man leaned in close to his face. “We d-don’t… fraternise with… criminals such as yourself… Oh…” The other man’s words were filling him with a strange heat. For a moment he imagined himself helpless as Alfred plunged in and out of him roughly, making him beg, plead and scream. But Alfred was too gentle for that. They’d done some very minor bondage, and that was always fun, but Alfred couldn’t seem to bring himself to be as rough as Arthur would have liked.

“S-stop!” he said loudly, pushing the other man away and towards the bed. “That… I can’t make that kind of d-deal.” He tried to ignore the growing bulge in his pants and stood over the man, face flushed. “That’s where you’ll sleep tonight,” he said, gesturing at the bed but not making eye contact. “It’s bolted down so don’t even think of trying to move it around. If you need to take a piss, the urinal’s in the corner. Don’t make a mess. Tomorrow we’ll take down your details and you’ll be free to go.”

Arthur patted at his belt absently and froze when he realised something was missing. His keys and cuffs… when had… He stood frozen in shock. “What…” he stammered, feeling a sudden surge of dread.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Prior to being shoved away by the other man, the pirate took extra care to swipe the keys and handcuffs from the officer as he distracted him with his lustful words. While the officer was blabbering about the bed and the usual procedures, Arthur freed himself from the handcuffs.

Unfortunately, the other Englishman caught on shortly thereafter. That's when the drunken pirate knew he had to make his move, and quickly. He shoved the officer down on the bed and quickly cuffed the other man to it. Arthur stole a rough kiss from the officer just for the hell of it before leaning up and swinging the keys around his fingers.

"I suppose now you'll be taking my suggestion more seriously, savvy? Because I can just leave you here with blue balls." The pirate smirked and chuckled to himself at the thought.

The drunken man began to feel up and grope the officer. "Or perhaps you just want to be used like that. I assume your little boyfriend is much too gentle to really rough you up the way you want him to, correct?"

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur suddenly found himself cuffed to the bed, his arms stretched up above his head. He stared up with wide eyes and couldn’t even fight back when the other man leaned in and kissed him roughly. Arthur let out a breathy sigh in spite of himself, his lips swollen. “Y-you wouldn’t do that,” he said breathlessly, “you wouldn’t make it ten steps out of this cell before you were picked up and brought back.” It would be embarrassing though, to have everyone know that the great Officer Kirkland had been outsmarted by a mere drunkard.

A hand slid between his legs and Arthur gasped, feeling a tingling sensation build up in his groin. He was no stranger to sex; he and Alfred tumbled into bed together every other night. It was one of the perks of dating a young, insatiable man: Alfred was always ready for a session of lovemaking.

But the man was right… Alfred was never this rough, this dominant, and by God he wanted to be treated this way. Not that he didn’t like the way that Alfred made him feel as if he were the most precious thing in the world, but sometimes he longed for something a little different. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut as a moan slid out from behind gritted teeth. It was as close to a yes as the other man was going to get. “W-what makes you think that you’ll get away with this?” he demanded shakily, unconsciously spreading his legs to get the man’s weight off of them. “If I shout right now, you’ll be charged with attempted rape. Is that what you want?” Not that he’d shout, of course. His pride would never survive the blow.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

"Rape? Hardly. You want this as much as I do, you just don't want to admit you've been corrupted," the pirate chuckled, speaking close to the officers ear so he could lean over and nip at it. Listening to all the protests of the officer gave Arthur an idea.

The pirate sat back and untied the sash around his waist. "Rather than let you scream yourself hoarse with protests, I think I'll gag you. That way you'l still have your voice when I fuck you into this rickety little bed." Arthur smirked before trying the sash around the other's head, effectively gagging him.

Arthur licked the other's neck when he was done before purring seductively. "Now then, I do believe you are much too overdressed for this occasion." The drunk man began to fumble with the buttons of the other's shirt. After a frustrating amount of time, the shirt was fully unbuttoned, exposing the officers chest.

"Let's see just how sensitive you are," he snickered, rubbing a nipple with one of his hands.

[Officer Kirkland]

“I don’t,” Arthur protested, “I don’t want this, don’t be so full of yourself— Ohhh…” he broke off and moaned, breathing hard as the other man nibbled on his ear. He could feel the warmth and moisture of the man’s breath and he shivered, turning his head to get the drunkard’s breath out of his ear. A strip of material was forced into his mouth and Arthur shook his head wildly, giving muffled protests through the gag. The pirate’s words were making him feel hotter and hotter though, and Arthur tried to shuffle out from him to hide his very obvious erection.

All too soon his shirt was undone and hanging off his shoulders. Arthur thrashed, but the bed frame was build from solid aluminium and there was no way that he’d be able to break it or his cuffs. The man’s fingers rubbed against his nipple and Arthur bucked his hips suddenly, a loud groan echoing through the cell despite the gag. Oh fuck. Arthur panted and moaned, his chest heaving up and down. He’d always known that he had quite sensitive nipples, and he and Alfred had made the most of that fact on more than one occasion. He flushed bright red at his reaction and refused to look up at the pirate, not wanting to see the knowing smirk that would definitely be plastered across that strangely familiar face.

Sweat was trickling down his face and the gag was quickly becoming soaked with drool. Arthur planted his feet firmly against the mattress and arched his back, trying to gain some friction for his groin. He shouldn’t want this, he knew. But he did, and he was going to burst if he didn’t reach his climax soon.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

The officers dramatic reactions to the teasing only proved to cement the smirk onto Arthur's face. "So you're really enjoying yourself~ Quite the whore, aren't you?" he chuckled, leaning down to lick the other's nipple. Of course, the pirate reminded himself that he couldn't tease the other Englishman too much if he wanted to actually get inside the other.

As he was busy teasing and taunting the policeman, Arthur began to work at the other's pants. His attempt to completely remove them and the boxers were impeded by the officer's footwear. Luckily it did not take long to remove the shoes as well as the pants and underwear, leaving the other Englishman very nearly naked. Arthur licked his lips and enjoyed the lovely view.

"Don't try to tell me you're not enjoying this. The evidence is all here, officer," the pirate leered, running a teasing finger along the policeman's erection. His eye darted to the pile of clothes on the floor, noticing a baton that would be quite useful.

Picking it up and examining it in his hands with a smirk, Arthur spoke, "Wouldn't it be amusing if I fucked you with this?"

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur bucked again and cried out as something wet brushed over his nipple. It was so good, too good… he shouldn’t have been enjoying this but it was hard not to when his nipples were being so delightfully tortured, coaxing out moans and pants that seemed far too loud. Oh… Ohhh, he really was acting like a whore, wasn’t he? But he couldn’t concentrate on that, couldn’t concentrate on any of his thoughts really, he just writhed and squirmed and then his trousers were being eased down his hips and his cock was standing straight up and weeping slightly and the man was leering.

He could feel tears spring into his eyes when the man mocked him about his erection. He couldn’t help it! He was a man with a very active sex life, of course he was easily aroused when his sensitive spots were assaulted! But it was so humiliating to have the man staring down at his cock gleefully, looking but not touching. It was driving him mad. He gave a desperate keen, then bent his knees and drew them together. It didn’t shield him from view very well, but at least it was something.

When the other man picked up and brandished his baton, Arthur felt his eyes widen in terror. That baton… was very thick. Would it fit inside without tearing him up? He shook his head wildly, thrashing and kicking at the man. At the same time though… he wondered what it would be like to have something that thick up inside him. The thought made him moan loudly, a slutty expression settling across his face.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

The wanton moaning and the intense reactions from the police officer only proved to further cement the smirk growing upon his face. "I almost feel sorry for you. Your boyfriend really doesn't know how to fuck you," he chuckled, putting the baton to the side. Though he wasn't unwilling to use it, it wouldn't really get him off.

Suddenly, the smug pirate paused for a moment, "Do you have the proper items? I know I promised rough, but it wouldn't do to be unsafe about this." He loosened the gag a bit so that the officer could reply. Sure, Arthur was a rude and lewd pirate, but he wasn't a rapist, rather, he was a gentleman with a code of honor (which happened to be full of holes, but that was a different story altogether).

To make sure the officer would be more inclined to answer, Arthur gave the other's erection another teasing brush with his fingers.

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur coughed as the gag was loosened, saliva dripping in copious amounts down his chin and the sides of his mouth. “B-back pocket,” he gasped, bucking up again at the sensations on his cock. He gave a low whine and thrashed, his head turning side to side wildly on the limp pillow below him. “Al-Alfred and I… always ready… and he fucks just fine!”

He spread his legs apart slowly, his chest heaving up and down. “F-fuck me already!” he demanded, tugging at the handcuffs uselessly. The cuffs had been looped through the headboard with just enough slack for minimal movement so Arthur flipped himself over onto his knees. His hands were crossed above his head and his face was buried in the pillow so that the pirate wouldn’t be able to see and laugh at his expressions anymore.

“H-hurry up,” he moaned, feeling his hard cock brush against the sheets. Arthur arched his back and offered up his arse. “If you’re going to fuck me then fucking get on with it!”

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

"Now I'm reminded of why I gagged you." the pirate muttered darkly before digging through the pile of clothes to locate the lube and condoms. "I see you were planning to have a little fun. Either that or you're just a pervert. Judging from your behavior, I'd have to say it was the latter" Arthur snickered to himself.

"The more you protest and beg, the slower I feel like going. However, you're lucky that certain parts of my anatomy are more demanding than that," Arthur commented, jamming a lube slicked finger up the other's ass. However the pirate made sure to take care in preparing the other man. Arthur took no pleasure from ill-prepared sex.

[Officer Kirkland]

"I don't beg!" Arthur moaned as a finger pushed inside him roughly, biting down on the pillow in an effort to stifle his voice. If anyone walked in now and saw what was going on... Arthur gasped as the finger began thrusting in and out slowly, rubbing against the insides of his hole and making him writhe against the bedsheets with short groans of pleasure. A second finger joined the first and they began to scissor. 

He couldn't help but thrust his hips back against those fingers. This man, this drunkard... He was so good at finger fucking. Arthur's eyelids fluttered and he moaned loudly as he felt his hole being stretched by the stranger's fingers. He was trying to speak, trying to demand that the pirate hurry up and fuck him already but all that came out was a slew of incoherent moans. When the man's third finger slid inside, Arthur's eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a pleasured shout which echoed obscenely through the cell. 

"H-hurry-- Ahh! Hurry u-up, you tosser! Ohh..." 

He threw back his head with a loud cry when the man's fingers brushed over his prostate, his vision darkening for a moment before he came back to himself, gasping for breath. 

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Once Arthur was satisfied with the preparation of the police officer, he abruptly removed his fingers. After all, he had to use them to rip open the packaging to pull out the condom. He moaned as he rolled the condom onto himself. Having his fingers finally touching his arousal felt lovely, but he needed more, so much more. As a result, the drunken pirate spent a little extra time coating his erection with lube.

With the police officer fully displayed in front of him, the pirate wasted little time in moving himself over to the other man. Arthur guided himself into the other Englishman. He let out a moan, not caring about being caught by any of the other officers.

Being inside the other man felt good, it was so warm and so tight. Arthur couldn't hold himself back for very long and so he was soon thrusting roughly into the police officer.

[Detective Jones]

Alfred had gone and done all the paperwork, actually taking his time for once to fill in all the spaces properly and sign of however many of the stupid forms there needed to be, getting ink stains all over his fingers in the process.

When he had done that, he had headed to the coffee machine to get a cup. As he was dumping sugar into his drink he heard a few noises from the cell holdings. It writes it off as the drunk being rowdy in his new cell and finishes up what he's doing at a leisurely pace before walking back to see what Arthur is up to.

As he rounds the corner and walks into the cell he is caught quite obviously by surprise at the scene before him though. His hand loosens on his coffee cup as he threatens to fall to the concrete floor. "A-Arthur...oh no Arthur!!" Alfred puts his coffee down and quickly opens the door to the cell, barging in ready to safe his boyfriend.

[Officer Kirkland]

Arthur moaned in time with each thrust, feeling the slick cock rubbing against the tight ring of muscle and stretching it wider than the other man’s fingers had. The only thing that could ever beat this was Alfred’s cock buried deep inside him. His boyfriend’s cock was impossibly wide, stretching his hole to its limit every time they had sex. But this cock was longer, brushing against his prostate perfectly every time the man slid back inside him, thrusting in until their skin slapped together with loud, echoing sounds.

He gripped the headboard tightly, hearing the bed frame squeaking with each movement the pirate made. Arthur bit down harder on the pillow, feeling it become soaked with his saliva. He tried to thrust his hips back against the man but found himself held firmly in position, and stiffened when he door of the cell clang open.

“A-Al—Ahhhh… Alf-r—” He moaned loudly as he saw his boyfriend rush into the cell. Arthur’s face was flushed and sweaty, with saliva running down his chin and a lost, pleasured expression. He licked his lips, staring straight at Alfred’s groin with hazy eyes and straining against the handcuffs. “I—A-Alf…red… I n-need your c-cock… r-right now… Ohhh… T-there!”

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Arthur didn't bother to stop thrusting into the police officer when the latter's boyfriend burst into the cell.

"Your boyfriend seems to be enjoying himself quite a bit, hm Alfred was it? Why don't you come and join in? Your boyfriend seems eager enough for cock. I wonder if he'd be able to fit both of us into his scrawny little arse."

The pirate let out a cruel laugh making sure to tease the police officer's cock with light touches.

"If you don't hurry up and join in, I might let him finish without you~" he purred, utterly smug and sure that the American would relent and join in. After all, Arthur was quite convinced that the American wouldn't be able to resist his boyfriend spread out beneath him, moaning in pleasure. Not to mention, the thought of having another erection squeezed into the tight warmth of the police officer was a quite delectable one. Arthur moaned at the thought.

Pinching one of the police officer nipples, the pirate continued, "Why don't you beg for your darling boyfriend to help me fuck you senseless? You'd like that wouldn't you?"

[Sponsored content]