It's a turd. I wrapped it, and put a ribbon on it, and I'm giving it to you. See? I give a shit. [Kirk + QB]

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Arthur Kirkland was in love.

She was a beautiful girl who was kind, and a bit silly. With messy blonde hair and bright blue eyes, Allison Jones was a knockout. Though Arthur did enjoy noting that she had nice tracts of land, and well, Arthur was admittedly a boobs man, even if he did date the occasional man. Plus, she was willing to date a fuck up like Arthur, though the young man wasn't sure whether or not this was a good thing or a bad thing. On the positive side, she was willing to date him, while on the negative side, that probably meant she had terrible taste in men.

But there were two serious problems, that is, Allison Jones had an absolutely terrifying Russian for a brother (though the other one, what's-his-face, didn't seem too bad, despite his nasty hockey reputation), and that he had managed to scare off every other guy Allison had tried to date. Perhaps that's why she had settled on Arthur.

While Arthur did have piercings, tattoos, a fauxhawk, as well as a terrible smoking habit, he was not too keen on getting into a fight with the much larger man. In fact, being a delinquent and a punk meant that Ivan would not allow Arthur to date Allison even if they were the last three people on the planet and doing so would allow them to repopulate the planet. Arthur idly wondered if his less than pleasant reputation was what attracted Allison to him in the first place, that is, she wanted him to get her brother to relax about the dating scene, rather than any affection she had for him. But perhaps that was just Arthur's gnawing self-doubt that never left the back of his mind.

The punk sighed and breathed out a puff of smoke, waiting for Allison to arrive. Hopefully she was able to ditch her brother for a bit. After all, they had an important issue to discuss, that is, how they were going to present Arthur to Ivan without Arthur ending up being buried in their backyard or shipped off to some cold and desolate place.

Why was he so nervous about this? Why was he even bothering going through these hoops? Most of his other relationships had simply been quick fucks with little to no strings attached. Then again, there was Marianne. Arthur shuddered at the thought of the Frog. At least the albino bastard knew when to stop bothering Arthur, and how to be a pleasant drinking buddy as well as a part time fuck buddy. Though the latter seemed like it was going to change soon, after all, just the thought of Allison was somehow... warm and pleasant. It was odd, in Arthur's opinion, but he couldn't stay away from the girl. So that was love, Arthur supposed. It wasn't quite as pleasant as the novels said, but then again, Allison and he weren't exactly Tristan and Isolde- not that the punk spent a good portion of his time reading romances and romance novels or anything.

[StarQBAlfredJones]

Now, Allison wouldn't say that she had grown up particularly sheltered. She knew about a lot of stuff that all the other kids knew and never felt that awkward feeling of not understanding a joke. However, she had a very protective older brother who made it rather difficult for her to make friends other than the people he approved of. It had been a downright miracle that she had met her current boyfriend to begin with.

It had been one of the rare days where her twin, Matthew, had dragged her to the library with orders from Ivan, their older brother, that she improve her English grade. It wasn't that she was bad at reading and writing, she just grew bored, preferring science and mathematics instead.

So, it was on this day that she, literally, stumbled across Arthur Kirkland in the library. He had been sitting on the floor, reading some ridiculous book about romance or something and Allison had failed to notice him in time, tripping right over him. Needless to say, it had been an awkward first meeting but she kept bumping into him in the library and their friendly banter eventually turned into something more intimate.

Which brought her to today. Allison was hurrying to the park to meet Arthur to try and come up with a game plan to make him presentable to Ivan. The two were getting more serious in their relationship and she wanted Arthur to formally meet her two brothers. Unfortunately, Arthur's typical punk appearance would send Ivan running for their father's shotgun.

Spotting Arthur sitting on a bench, she jogged over to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing her boobs against his back. "Didja miss me?"

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Arthur was quite pleased when a familiar set of breasts pressed themselves against his back. Couple that with a cute voice, well Arthur couldn't help but smile as he stubbed out his cigarette. "I trust you've been well, duckie?" he inquired, glad that Allie had managed to make it. He had ended up being stood up a few times, though they weren't Allie's fault. Generally, it was Ivan being overprotective. It wasn't that Arthur hated Ivan, no he could understand being protective of someone as kind and gentle as Allie, but perhaps Ivan's mother hen instincts were a bit... much.

"So then, since you know Ivan best, as well as fashion, I should probably leave you in charge of all this makeover nonsense," Arthur sighed. He wasn't particularly fond of the idea of this makeover, but if it meant spending more time with Allie and not having her crazy brother kill him, well then it was worth it. He wondered if he'd be able to keep a piercing or two. Most likely not, but he could certainly hope.

He turned around with a smile and pecked Allie on the cheek. "Another question, do I also have to worry about your twin? Or is Ivan the major hurdle?" Arthur asked. After all, he didn't want to have to face BOTH of Allie's brothers, just one seemed daunting enough. Arthur was already going to have to disguise himself and put on a gentleman's act. If he was caught, well, it certainly wouldn't be pretty. But it wasn't as if Arthur hadn't been injured before.

Despite all these worries, Arthur felt really happy to have Allie here and with him. Her smile brightened his day, and he could only hope that his occasional smile brightened hers. She was absolutely adorable, and it managed to melt Arthur's heart. A less practical part of his mind thought that he might be able to have really cute kids with her. Arthur did like kids quite a bit, they were just so... small, and so Arthur wanted to protect and care for them. Like Ivan, he too could be a mother hen.

[StarQBAlfredJones]

"I've been peachy, Artie~ What about you? You shouldn't smoke, y'know. It makes your breath stink. Plus Ivan will notice." Allison rested her head on top of Arthur's, mussing up his fauxhawk. Oh well, he would just have to deal with it. They were going to try to change his appearance anyway, so her big brother wouldn't murder Arthur on the spot.

She was excited to go shopping with him, wanting to pick out some clothing that would suit him and make her brother approve of him. It wouldn't be an easy task but she was up for the job! A smile made its way onto her face when Arthur kissed her cheek and she made her way around the bench to sit beside him.

"No need to worry about Mattie! He'd only kill you if you ever hurt me, which you won't, so you're safe with him." Allison scooted close to Arthur, smiling softly. "Ivan's really the only problem but we'll get his approval! Because we really like each other, yeah? So things will work out for the best!"

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Arthur chuckled again, "Is that the only reason I should quit, duckie? I'm fine, though my day has improved immensely now that you've arrived. Though could you please refrain from ruining my hair? Though I suppose we'll be changing it soon." Arthur ducked away from the head leaning on his fauxhawk. It was odd thinking about the makeover. Was Arthur going to look like an entirely different person? He supposed so, and wasn't sure he'd be able to recognize himself when this was through.

Soon, Allie was sitting beside him on the bench, he reached out to grab her hand. He couldn't explain how glad he was that she was there. He didn't know what would please Allison's brother enough to keep the shotgun in it's hiding spot, after all. But Allison... well, she had more of a chance in saving Arthur's hide.

Arthur felt a blush form on his cheeks. She trusted him enough to think he wouldn't hurt her? That was certainly a first, and well, it made Arthur's stomach do turns and flips. As a gentleman (despite the punk exterior), he did want to live up to Allie's high expectations. Despite his often (well, near constant really) pessimism, he found Allie's optimism to be rather infectious. If she really thought this would turn out well... then maybe it would. "I hope you're right, Allie. Though it is nice to know that your other brother isn't going to kill me," though that didn't change the odds particularly much. Arthur figured it went from a 100% chance of him being brutally murdered to a 99.9% chance of him being brutally murdered.

"Well then, shall we set off? We certainly have a lot to do," Arthur motioned to his exterior. It was certainly going to take a lot of work to turn this punk into a proper gentleman.

[StarQBAlfredJones]

"It's bad for your health too!" Allison huffed and ruffled his hair with her hand, purposefully making a mess out of it. They would be changing it soon anyway, so it wasn't like it was such a big deal to get it messy. She looked him over as she sat, smiling as he took her hand. As much as she loved his style, Ivan would not approve. At all. So, she had to come up with something to make Arthur look presentable.

"I'm always right. Now let's go find something for you to wear!" Grinning, Allison dragged Arthur to his feet and off with her. There was a little shopping mall nearby and she was going to try to find cheap clothing that fit Arthur well. She didn't want him to look like a dork for Ivan but she had to pick something safe.

Which is how she and Arthur found themselves standing outside The GAP. "These clothes are totally safe for meeting Ivan! He won't feel threatened by you if you wear clothing from here!" Without waiting for a protest from Arthur, she dragged him into the store.

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Before Arthur could protest about Allison messing up his hair, she grabbed his hand and began to drag him off. But seeing her grin and hold his hand meant that Arthur couldn't stay huffy and angry for very long. Allison's smile was something that warmed even his heart, that he tried to block up many years ago. Arthur refused to let a smile spread across his face, however. He settled for a slightly-less-angry-than-usual frown instead.

Next thing he knew, he found himself standing in front of The GAP, a store he normally wouldn't be caught dead in. He opened his mouth to protest, but Allie spoke over him and dragged him into the store. Arthur sighed a bit. "Of all places, you chose this? Though I suppose I must be thankful that you didn't pick a worse store," he said with a slight huff. Places like this made him feel completely out of place. He didn't belong in a place like this, let alone near Allie's brother.

Arthur managed to escape from Allie's iron grip to look at the clothes. He wasn't sure at all what to choose. Most of these clothes were either clothes he'd never usually wear, or clothing for old people. He blinked down at his own clothes, they would surely get him killed by Ivan, so he had to at least look and hope that Allison didn't choose something horrifying.

[StarQBAlfredJones]

"You know, if you keep complaining, Artie, I'll drag you to a worse store, okay? Maybe a store for frumpy old British men. You'd totally fit in there." Allison snickered as Arthur shook out of her grip and she had to hold back a loud laugh as Arthur practically glared at all the clothing.

She wandered around the store, trying to find something that would work for Arthur. Grabbing a pair of loose jeans (not loose enough to sag off Arthur's ass but looser than his current tight pants) and some shirts, Allison started to make her way back to Arthur before she spotted them.

Sweater vests. They were perfect. Grinning rather evilly, she grabbed a couple and went over to Arthur. "Arthur~ I have clothes for you!"

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

"I assure you that I would fit in more here than there. I am not old, and I am not frumpy. However, you know I prefer to be called English. Don't lump me in with the ridiculous other ones," Arthur harrumphed and crossed his arms. "You Americans can't tell the difference, I'm sure." Arthur grumbled to himself, it was one of the angry punk's pet peeves. Then again, Arthur did have quite the number of pet peeves. He was a very grumpy man, after all.

Arthur felt dread well up in the pit of his stomach when he heard Allison speak. Whatever clothes she was carrying couldn't be good. Surely she wouldn't dress him up in a silly costume and parade him around! Then again, it was Allie, and she'd be likely to find something ridiculous like footie pajamas and think they're adorable so therefore Arthur had to try them on. The punk winced at the thought. Though footie pajamas on Allison would be very cute.

However, when he noticed what she was holding, the punk wanted to bolt. Sweater vests?! What was he, his father? He couldn't do this. Was it even possible that he could wear sweater vests without spontaneously combusting? Surely Ivan would disapprove of sweater vests. What kind of young man that was Arthur's age wore sweater vests anyways? He took a step away from Allie and swallowed, clearly alarmed by the offensive piece of clothing.

"You're kidding, duckie. Nobody our age would wear such an awful piece of clothing. Ivan would surely think that we're trying to dress me up to hide things. What if he thinks we're not doing this to hide that I'm a delinquent but that we're covering something worse up?" Arthur tried to argue, yet in the back of his mind, he knew the clothing would be shoved into his arms and he would be locked into a dressing room until he emerged with a sweater vest on. Arthur resigned himself to his dreadful fate.

[StarQBAlfredJones]

Arthur really couldn't see how much of an old man he was, huh? Complaining about being English and not British and what not. It was all rather silly and combined with Arthur's constant grumpiness, it was impossible for Allison to think of him as anything other than a frumpy, old British, sorry, Englishman.

For right now, Allison was just trying to find some clothes that Ivan would approve of, otherwise her big brother was sure to murder Arthur on the spot. They would have to get rid of his piercings and hide his tattoos as best as possible. And do something about his silly hairstyle...

Allison smiled brightly as he went over to Arthur, holding out the sweater vests for him to see. As he went of on his tirade against the clothing, she simply tilted her head an listened. Well, seeing as how Arthur really seemed to hate these things, that meant they were perfect.

"Ivan won't suspect a thing, Arthur. Besides, he wears sweater vests sometimes too! You guys can match!"

[Lord Arthur Kirkland]

Arthur felt his jaw nearly drop off of his head. "Matching... sweater... vests," He tried to wrap his mind around the horrifying thought. He shuddered when he pictured Ivan and himself in matching outfits. "You just had to come up with something worse than sweater vests, didn't you, luv? There's no way I want to wear a matching outfit with anyone, let alone Ivan. It's just so... horrifyingly tacky," Arthur argued.

There had to be another option besides sweater vests. Arthur would rather just show up as a punk and be murdered than show up in a matching sweater vest, frankly. 'Think, Arthur, think! There has to be some option besides.... that,' Arthur told himself and glanced around the store frantically. There had to be something else. There had to be.

"Blazers...? Polos...? Something other than sweater vests...?" The first two were still horrifying options to the punk, but the image of him and Ivan in matching sweater vests continued to haunt Arthur. He was probably going to have nightmares based on that. He took a step away from Allie, still nervous about the sweater vest.

He wondered if there was any arguing with Allie on this point, he doubted it. All his protesting seemed to be encouraging her. Arthur swallowed nervously, glancing around the store for escape routes should he need to flee.

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